When life changes…
As I approach the first-year anniversary of deciding it’s ‘now or not right now’ to make the move to the beautiful Island of Mallorca from the glorious Lancashire in the UK – everything has changed. And yet, many things stay the same.
When we talk about Behaviour Change, it can often feel quite mechanical, process driven – which can generate feelings of resistance, low motivation, disempowering, futile ...because what if I fail? As a practitioner trained in the theory and application of Behaviour Change, I feel I have something extra to add to that theory, to be gentle.
Our brains are simply not wired to respond to rapid changes of environment, routine and habits. So, when you do something as drastic as I did – change countries, language, culture…even food! Not only that – you bring along your 16-year-old Son who has to start college, new friendships etc etc Then there are more changes to add to the pot that you discover along the way – the things the internet can’t tell you about because it’s personal to you – all the emotional adjustments, striving to always be looking forward and not back, being exhausted when things get hard…teetering on the edge of giving up because it is ‘hard’. Yes, believe it or not – despite the palm trees and cocktails – real life must happen, running a blended family home, cooking, cleaning, laundry, school runs, working, homework, relationships, bills to pay, daily admin – it is relentless – just as it can feel living in the UK. There is no beginning and there is no end.
Getting used to driving a left-hand car just about blew my mind! When I eventually stopped thumping the door looking for the gear stick – I started to feel more comfortable to get out and about … it’s taken almost until now! Which is not me at all. I’m a highly competent driver and went everywhere in the UK – even road-tripped all the way through France to Spain to take my boys on holiday! I’m not entirely sure why I was slow on it this time. Maybe one change too many?
Whilst my version of changed behaviour doesn’t really fit with the purpose of DiClemete and Prochaska 1970’s Stages of Change Model (the intention was for use within addiction clinics) I do very much identify with the individual stages and time scales. I would say I’m in the ‘Maintenance’ phase, this comes after 6 months for up to five years.
In a world of Tik Toks, hacks and need for instant gratification – speed isn’t always our friend. In fact, it has the potential for burnout, distress, frustration, anxiety, eventually that can lead to apathy and a sense of hopelessness.
So, you see, when you want to make big changes to your life that are sustainable, mentally healthy and fulfilling, you must go gently.
You must take your time AND allow for that time too.
Success is slow. Success is careful. Success has accurate goals. Success takes measured risks. Success does the work.
Success is the evolution of you.
I imagined my evolution; do you visualise yours?
If so, then I welcome you to Kintsugi Coaching Psychology
Life changing coaching for when life changes.
